...as I look back at my history on this self-evaluative morning, the picture I see fades.
It’s Sunday morning, 4 AM. Outside, the snow is falling as, with the temperature settled at a chilling 10 degrees Fahrenheit, it’s cold enough to keep me indoors.
The window still night dark: I sit at my desk. Reflective, as sipping hot tea and wrapped in an old blanket, I journal-purge my morning thoughts. Not an out-of-the-ordinary thing for me to do, especially when I am troubled. A private, soul-soothing, and mind-clearing exercise I wholly encourage you to do. For in it, and if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll find many answers.
So it is, in the spirit of our shared search for the big why, I continue to open the doors of my heart to you.
I’ll soon be publishing a book revealing some of my whys. A why that I hope will be identifiable to a majority of us—and a why that formed over the six decades of ups and downs, and enhanced by the last ten years of interviewing strangers, has become the mantra guiding the way I strive to live, as well as the reason motivating me to continue RadstoneBLOG and Sidewalk Ghosts. Projects that dominate my time, dig into my pocketbook and pull me away from my family. And pushed forward by something I can only describe as a voice beyond myself is an endeavor that, no matter how hard it becomes, is one in which I cannot cease.
My tea is now cold, as with streaks of sunlight crawling up my office wall, I look up. My introspections listed in a sketchbook next to my keyboard, the clock reads 7:25 AM. Almost three and a half hours of meditative scribbling gone by, I pause to read what I’ve released.
In sharpie pen, two sets of words fill a page:
Six words that; for over a decade, I’ve explored from many angles. Discussed them with diverse people and re-imagined their actionable relevance and connecting points. And now, with the revival of RadstoneBlog, introducing them as a possible gateway for exploring the big why.
A verb-to-verb proposition that, if written in an ordered way, might offer insight to better viewing others, or more profoundly: Ourselves.
I’ll label two columns. Column A: Ingest. Column B: Result
I know! A rather textbook perspective for looking at the complexity of the big why. Or perhaps, an academic formula far too simplified in referencing the beauty and trauma that lives within all of us. On the other hand, could it be a benchmark concept for conducting ourselves in a more empathic way? Or a way to build and heal yourself?
Back to honesty—and in question form:
Could it be if we paused our reactionary selves? Looked at what is directly in front of us in a moment, or forgivingly at the memories buried in our histories, would we better Hear our own feelings, desires, pains, and joys?
Or if we sincerely Listened to our inner selves or the spiritual things that comfort us—would we better know what to Say to ourselves or have greater esteem in our interactions with others—both the negative and positive situations?
And if we Felt the results of “look and listen,” how would the things we Do or our thoughts and actions toward others, and again ourselves, be affected?
It’s now 9:30 AM. The roosters have stopped their calls (literally). So with the day of rest and spiritual refreshment at hand, my heady reflections cast to paper, and my above excerpt published for us all to ponder, may I depart today’s entry with a meaningful thank you!
For as I look back at my history on this self-evaluative morning, the picture I see fades. The me that possessed my thinking settled as I take in refreshed visuals, whisperings, and emotions. The fatigue of my personal concerns replaced as the faces of many strangers-now-friends grew into focus. And as the realization of their hidden joys and pains strike me intellectually and spiritually, I feel ready for my day. A day I can take peace in the knowledge of not only my own worth, but more importantly, the value of every one of you.
Talk tomorrow my good friends,
Interesting and good insights and thoughts, brother. It was good to visit with you briefly yesterday!